LYRICS:
Welcome back to our agnostic church, where we have many questions for god but no answers. How come deodorant gives us cancer? Can God fold a fitted sheet? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Can God make the sick healthy , make the poor wealthy, make the ugly beautiful?
Let us think.

How Does God Work? (oh oh)
Is he a jerk? (don’t think so)
Will he show me mercy? (don’t know)
Can he cure my herpes? (that’s gross)
Can I know his will? (Could be)
Can he pay my bills? (let’s see)
Is he worth belief? (might be)
Can he fix ma teef? (maybe)

Could God make a puzzle so tricky that he couldn’t even solve it?
Like a Chinese finger trap for our father?
Does prayer affect God’s plan or is God’s plan already set in stone?
And if prayer does nothing, why do I bother?

(How Does God Work?) oh oh
Is he a jerk? (don’t think so)
Is he for safe sex? (can’t say):
Can he prescribe me Valtrex? (no way)
Does he wish me well? (could be)
Will I go to hell? (probly)
Will I find a job? (maybe)
Mmmm, broccoli rabe. (yummy)

If I covet my next door neighbor’s wife
Why should I be doomed for my eternal afterlife?
When people switch religions to marry outside their faith
We can all agree that’s bull shit, right?

How does god work? (oh oh)
Is he a jerk? (don’t think so)
Will he guide my journey (sometimes)
When I pee it burns me (ouchie)

Well I lost my spouse (sorry)
And I lost my house (uh oh)
I live on the street (oh boy)
I have zits on my butt (wowee)

This morning I was spreading jelly on a piece of pita bread and suddenly manifest in that jelly was the face of Jesus Christ himself. Lord, are you sending me messages through Smuckers Raspberry jelly? Can I get a MAYBE? (MAYBE!) Can I get an UNLIKELY? (UNLIKELY!) Can I get a I HAVE DOUBTS? (I HAVE DOUBTS!)

What other questions do you have brothers and sisters?

Do you look like a man?
What’s with Kardashian?
Is it ok to pray to Zeus?
Which athletes are on the juice?
Will I get a heavenly crown?
Where does poop go when you flush it down?
Is the rapture coming soon?
Is Beyonce auto-tuned?
What do color blind people see?
How did I get HPV?
Can’t we just have perfect weather?
What do women do in the bathroom together?
Can fossils be carbon dated?
American Hustle was overrated.
D’you think the church is out of touch?
Why do braces cost so much?

Why do men have nipples?
Why do men have nipples?
Why do men have nipples?
Why do men have nipples?
Why do men have nipples?
Why do men have nipples?

WHY DO MEN HAVE NIPPLES?

That’s it for today’s agnostic gospel. Y’all come back next week and we’ll ask questions like Does God Pray to God? Or Do We All Live in the Toenail of a Giant? Go in Peace.