LYRICS:
I was walking through the dark late one night
When up from my mind sprung such a fright
Not a specter or ghoul or a dagger or gun
But wondering if I got married too young?


The anxiety two-step is my personal dance
My neighbor’s not married and he dates models from France
I take a step to the left and a step to the right
And then I cry in the fetal position all night


There’s a horrible monster and I am his mom
And he’s making our den look just like Vietnam
Am I feeding him wrong? Does he have ADD?
All the parenting books are always yelling at me!

The anxiety two-step is a dance that’s all mine
Try to rest for a minute but I don’t have the time
I step to the left and I step to the right
And I cry in the fetal position all night


There’s a bump in the night but its cause isn’t simple
Is this lump on my junk a wart or a pimple?
I think I’ve been safe but you just never know
What horrors attend in the dark down below


(heavy breathing)
Oh god, why did I have children?
Oh no, Oh dear.
I checked Web MD
What a shitty kid. There! I said it!
(Crying)


When I feel a little panic
I just go into the attic
Where I hide my stash of Xanax
Oh no I’m out !

The anxiety-two step is my dance all the time
How come everyone’s life is so much better than mine?
Take a step to the left and a step to the right
Then you cry in the fetal position all night

(Crying)
This is terrible
Somebody kill me now
I know what it is, it's a wart